The worst thing one can do is to not try, to be aware of what one wants and not give in to it, to spend years in silent hurt wondering if something would have materialized – never knowing.

As recently sakrant ,a famous festival to fly kites went by .I was blown with a thought and thought of Spiderman kite.  So I name my kite Spidey .

As the winds whipped, Spidey enjoyed several joy rides. He soared right, left, up, down and even found himself in a tree (a time or twelve). There were also plenty of times when he took sharp nose dives into the ground, at which we’d pick him up, throw him into the air and try again. It was during our many failed attempts to have Spiderman fly for an extended and uninterrupted amount of time that I began to see the parallels between life and flying a kite.

Life is like flying a kite. We can wait for the perfect conditions to pursue life-long desires, dreams, interests or to simply try something new, however there will always be extreme winds that temporarily throw us off course and even into the ground. We will also experience times of no wind at all, leaving us with little hope that the ideal opportunity will arise for us to fly. The truth is that as long as we are living, flying is a possibility, a choice that we get to make. We can embrace and even appreciate the sharp and unexpected turns and know that they are part of the ebb and flow process, or, we can allow the nose dives to harden our hearts, leaving us with the ongoing and defeated question of ‘what might have been?’  Either way, it is a choice, it is yours, and that’s the good news.

I leave you with this simple yet profound poem. I hope you choose to fly!

“I never can do it,” the little kite said,
as he looked around at the others high over his head.
“I know I should fall if I try to fly.”
“Try,” said the big kite, “only try!
Or I fear you never will learn at all.”
But the little kite said, “I’m afraid I’ll fall.”
The big kite nodded: “Ah well, goodbye:
I’m off,” and he rose toward the tranquil sky.
Then the little kite’s paper stirred at the sky.
And trembling he shook himself free for flight.
First whirling and frightened, then braver grown,
up, up he rose through the air alone,
till the big kite looking down could see,
the little one rising steadily.
Then how the little kite thrilled with pride,
as he sailed with the big kite, side by side!
While far below he could see the ground,
and the boys like small spots, moving around.
They rested high in the quiet air,
and only the birds and the clouds were there.
“Oh, how happy I am!” the little kite cried,
“And all because I was brave and tried.”

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know “THAT IS LIFE”!

• 

Most everyone wants to fall in love, especially codependents. To us, love is perhaps the highest ideal, and relationships give our lives meaning and purpose. They enliven and motivate us. A partner provides a companion when we have difficulty initiating action on our own. Being loved also validates our sense of self-esteem, overcomes shame-based doubts about our lovability, and soothes our fears of loneliness. But too often a beautiful romance turns sour. What was a wonderful dream becomes a painful nightmare. Ms. Perfect or Mr. Right becomes Ms. or Mr. Wrong. The unconscious is a mighty force. Reason doesn’t seem to stop us from falling in love, nor make it any easier to leave! Even when the relationship turns out to be toxic, once attached, ending the relationship is as hard as falling in love was easy!

The Chemistry of Romance and Falling in Love

Our brains are wired to fall in love — to feel the bliss and euphoria of romance, to enjoy pleasure, and to bond and procreate. Feel-good neurochemicals flood the brain at each stage of lust, attraction, and attachment. Particularly dopamine provides natural high and ecstatic feelings that can be as addictive as cocaine. Deeper feelings are assisted by oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone,” released during orgasm. It’s directly linked to bonding and increases trust and loyalty in romantic attachments.null

The Psychology of Romantic Love — Whom We Find Attractive

Psychology plays a role, too. Our self-esteem, mental and emotional health, life experiences, and family relations all influence whom we’re attracted to. Experiences, both positive and negative, impact our choices and make someone appear more or less attractive. For example, we might find commonality attractive, but avoid someone who cheated on an ex if that has happened to us before. We’re attracted to subtle physical attributes, albeit unconsciously, that remind us of a family member. More mysterious, we can be attracted to someone who shares emotional and behavioral patterns with a member of our family even before they become apparent.

The Ideal Stage of Romance

It’s true that we’re blinded by love. Healthy idealization is normal and helps us fall in love. We admire our beloved, are willing to explore our partner’s interests, and accept his or her idiosyncrasies. Love also brings out parts of our personality that were dormant. We might feel manlier or more womanly, more empathic, generous, hopeful, and more willing to take risks and try new things. In this way, we feel more alive, because we have access to other aspects of our ordinary or constricted personality. Additionally, in early dating, we’re usually more honest than down the road when we become invested in the relationship and fear speaking our truth might precipitate a breakup.

Although, healthy idealization doesn’t blind us to serious warning signs of problems, if we’re depressed or have low self-esteem, we’re more likely to idealize a prospective partner and overlook signs of trouble, such as unreliability or addiction, or accept behavior that is disrespectful or abusive. The neurochemicals of romance can lift our depressed mood and fuel codependency and love addiction when we seek a relationship in order to put an end to our loneliness or emptiness. When we lack a support system or are unhappy, we might rush into a relationship and become attached quickly before really knowing our partner. This is also referred to as “love on the rebound” or a “transitional relationship” following a breakup or divorce. It’s far better to first recover from a breakup.

The Ordeal Stage of Romantic Love

After the initial ideal stage, usually starting after six months, we enter the ordeal stage as we learn more things about our partner that displease us. We discover habits and flaws we dislike and attitudes we believe to be ignorant or distasteful. In fact, some of the same traits that attracted us now annoy us. We liked that our mate was warm and friendly, but now feel ignored at social gatherings. We admired his bold and decisive, but learn he’s rude and close-minded. We were enchanted by her carefree spirit, but are now appalled by her unrealistic spending. We were captivated by his unfettered expressions of love and a promised future, but discover he’s loose with the truth.

Additionally, as the high wears off, we start to revert to our ordinary personality, and so has our partner. We don’t feel as expansive, loving, and unselfish. In the beginning, we may have gone out of our way to accommodate him or her, now we complain that our needs aren’t being met. We’ve changed, and we don’t feel as wonderful, but we want those blissful feelings back.

Two things happen next that can damage relationships. First, now that we’re attached and fear losing or upsetting our partner, we hold back feelings, wants, and needs. This puts up walls to intimacy, the secret sauce that keeps love alive. In its place we withdraw and breed resentments. Our feelings can come out sideways with sarcasm or passive-aggression. As romance and idealization fade, the second fatal mistake is to complain and try to turn our partner into who we first idealized him or her to be. We feel cheated and disillusioned that our partner is now behaving differently than in the beginning of the relationship. He or she, too, is reverting to their ordinary personality that may include less effort made to win you and accommodate your needs. Our partner will feel controlled and resentful and may pull away.

In some cases, we might discover serious problems — that our partner has an addiction, mental illness, or his abusive or dishonest. These are issues that require a serious commitment to change and often years of therapy to overcome. Many codependents, who get quickly involved for the reasons stated above, will sacrifice their own happiness and continue in a relationship for years trying to change, help, and fix their partner. The dysfunctional family dynamics of their childhood often get repeated in their marriages and relationships. They may unconsciously be contributing to the problem, because they’re reacting to an abusive or controlling parent. Change requires healing our past and overcoming shame and low self-esteem to feel entitled to love and appreciation.

Getting to the Real Deal

We might not want to continue a relationship that involves addiction or abuse or has other serious problems. Lacking major obstacles, getting past the ordeal to the real deal requires self-esteem, courage, acceptance, and assertiveness skills. It necessitates the ability to honestly speak up about our needs and wants, to share feelings, compromise, and resolve conflict. Rather than try to change our partner, our efforts are better placed on learning to accept him or her. (This doesn’t mean accepting abuse.) This is the struggle for intimacy, and requires a commitment by both partners to get through the ordeal stage with mutual respect and a desire to make the relationship work.

Steps You Can Take to Make Love Last

We will attract someone who treats us the way we expect to be treated. As we value ourselves more, whom we are attracted to will also change, and we will naturally avoid someone who doesn’t treat us well or meet our needs.

1. Know yourself, your needs, wants, and limits.
2. Take time to get to know the person you’re dating. Learn who they really are and how you both resolve conflict.
3. Remember that sex releases oxytocin and increases bonding (though it can occur without it).
4. Be honest from the start. Don’t hide who you are, including your needs. Speak up when you dislike something.
5. Talk honestly about what you want and your expectations in a relationship. If the other person doesn’t want the same things, end it. (This may not be easy, but the relationship wouldn’t have worked or satisfied you.)
6. Research shows that relationship outcomes are predictable based on the partners’ self esteem. Self-worth is essential to healthy relationships. It also enables you to receive love and be repulsed by abuse.
7. Boundaries and intimacy are essential to relationships. Learn to be assertive to express your feelings, needs, and wants and set boundaries.

Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. It’s a “good vibes only” approach to life. And while there are benefits to being an optimist and engaging in positive thinking, toxic positivity instead rejects difficult emotions in favor of a cheerful, often falsely positive, facade.null

We all know that having a positive outlook on life is good for your mental well-being. The problem is that life isn’t always positive. We all deal with painful emotions and experiences.

And those emotions, while often unpleasant and hard to deal with, are important and need to be felt and dealt with openly and honestly. 

Toxic positivity takes positive thinking to an overgeneralized extreme. This attitude doesn’t just stress the importance of optimism, it minimizes and denies any trace of human emotions that aren’t strictly happy or positive.

Forms of Toxic Positivity

Toxic positivity can take a wide variety of forms. Some examples you may have encountered in your own life:

• When something bad happens, such as losing your job, people tell you to “just stay positive” or “look on the bright side.” While such comments are often meant to be sympathetic, they can also be a way of shutting down anything you might want to say about what you are experiencing.
• After experiencing some type of loss, people tell you that “everything happens for a reason.” While people often make such statements because they believe they are comforting, it is also a way of avoiding someone else’s pain. 
• When you express disappointment or sadness, someone tells you that “happiness is a choice.” This suggests that if you are feeling negative emotions, then it’s your own choice and your own fault for not “choosing” to be happy.

Such statements are often well-intentioned—people just don’t know what else to say and don’t know how to be empathetic—but harmful. At their best, such statements come off as trite platitudes that let you off the hook so you don’t have to deal with other people’s feelings.

At their worst, these statements end up shaming and blaming people who are often dealing with incredibly difficult situations.

Toxic positivity denies people the authentic support that they need to cope with what they are facing.

Why It’s Harmful

Toxic positivity can actually harm people who are going through difficult times. Rather than being able to share authentic human emotions and gain unconditional support, people find their feelings dismissed, ignored, or outright invalidated. 

• It’s shaming: When someone is suffering, they need to know that their emotions are valid, but that they can find relief and love in their friends and family. But toxic positivity tells people that the emotions they are feeling are wrong. 
• It causes guilt: It sends a message that if you aren’t finding a way to feel positive, even in the face of tragedy, that you are doing something wrong.
• It avoids authentic human emotion: Toxic positivity functions as an avoidance mechanism. When other people engage in this type of behavior, it allows them to avoid emotional situations that might make them feel uncomfortable. But sometimes we turn these same ideas on ourselves, internalizing these toxic ideas. When we feel difficult emotions, we then discount, dismiss, and deny them.
• It prevents growth: It allows us to avoid feeling things that might be painful, but it also denies us the ability to face challenging feelings that can ultimately lead to growth and deeper insight.

The “positive vibes only” mantra has become particularly grating to many in light of the COVID-19 global pandemic. During the pandemic, people have faced illness, lockdowns, shelter in place orders, business shutdowns, working from home, homeschooling challenges, job loss, and financial struggles.null

People are faced not only with massive disruptions in their lives, but also pressure to stay productive and be positive during a time that is difficult and traumatic on many levels.

According to the 2020 Stress in America report by the American Psychological Association, 46% of American adults with kids under 18 report having very high stress levels during the pandemic.1

It is possible to be optimistic in the face of difficult experiences and challenges. But people going through trauma don’t need to be told to stay positive or feel that they are being judged for not maintaining a sunny outlook.

Signs 

Toxic positivity can often be subtle, but by learning to recognize the signs can help you better identify this type of behavior. Some signs include:

• Brushing off problems rather than facing them.
• Feeling guilty about being sad, angry, or disappointed.
• Hiding your true feelings behind feel-good quotes that seem more socially acceptable.
• Hiding or disguising how you really feel.
• Minimizing other people’s feelings because they make you uncomfortable.
• Shaming other people when they don’t have a positive attitude.
• Trying to be stoic or “get over” painful emotions.

How to Avoid Toxic Positivity

If you’ve been affected by toxic positivity—or if you recognize this kind of behavior in yourself— there are things that you can do to develop a healthier, more supportive approach. Some ideas include:

• Manage your negative emotions, but don’t deny them. Negative emotions can cause stress when unchecked,2 but they can also provide important information that can lead to beneficial changes in your life.
• Be realistic about what you should feel. When you are facing a stressful situation, it’s normal to feel stressed, worried, or even fearful. Don’t expect too much from yourself. Focus on self-care and taking steps that can help improve your situation.
• It’s okay to feel more than one thing. If you are facing a challenge, it’s possible to feel nervous about the future and also hopeful that you will succeed. Your emotions are as complex as the situation itself. 
• Focus on listening to others and showing support. When someone expresses a difficult emotion, don’t shut them down with toxic platitudes. Instead, let them know that what they are feeling is normal and that you are there to listen. 
• Notice how you feel. Following “positive” social media accounts can sometimes serve as a source of inspiration but pay attention to how you feel after you view and interact with such content. If you are left with a sense of shame or guilt after seeing “uplifting” posts, it might be due to toxic positivity. In such cases, consider limiting your social media consumption.

Give yourself permission to feel your feelings. Instead of trying to avoid difficult emotions, give yourself permission to feel them. These feelings are real, valid, and important. They can provide information and help you see things about a situation that you need to work to change.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that you should act on every emotion that you feel. Sometimes it is important to sit with them and give yourself the time and space to process the situation before you take action. 

So when you are going through something hard, think about ways to give voice to your emotions in a way that is productive. Write in a journal. Talk to a friend. Research suggests that just putting what you are feeling into words can help lower the intensity of those negative feelings.3Toxic Statements

• Just stay positive!
• Good vibes only!
• It could be worse.
• Things happen for a reason.
• Failure isn’t an option.
• Happiness is a choice.

Non-Toxic Alternatives

• I’m listening.
• I’m here no matter what.
• That must be really hard.
• Sometimes bad things happen. How can I help?
• Failure is sometimes part of life.
• Your feelings are valid.

A Word From Verywell

Toxic positivity is often subtle, and we’ve all engaged in this type of thinking at one point or another. By learning to recognize it, however, you’ll be better able to rid yourself of this type of thinking and provide (and receive) more authentic support when you are going through something that isn’t easy.

Start noticing toxic statements and strive to let yourself and others feel your emotions, both the positive and the negative. 

From everything that I recall about my life so far, I can say one thing with absolute certainty.
I have been an extremely passionate person.
Passionate about everything. Be it life in general, work, friendships, relationships. Bustling with energy, I have always liked to give my heart, my soul, my mind and my energy completely into things that matter to me.
I take the leap and I go all in like there is no middle spot.
And that always seemed to work for me. I was always on the high wave, getting things done, maintaining the happiest relationships and believing with certainty that I could achieve absolutely anything.
Until, I reached a day when the things that really mattered to me were at a point of collapse and I collapsed along with them.
And my story is not really unique in this sense.
Mental fatigue and burnout is almost like the epidemic of the century. Some of the brightest people with immense energy and passion go through this phase of extreme exhaustion which might last for months if not years.
And that’s because there is a bit of a downside of being too passionate. To put it simply, when you go about attaching your happiness, your existence and your life’s meaning too deeply with your work, your relationships or anything else for that matter, you put yourself at risk.
And why is that?
Because with attachment comes a very strong urge to control the circumstances.
While you can exercise some amount of control over what happens in your life, that will absolutely never eliminate the possibility of things going haywire or the possibility of your plans and ambitions not quite turning into reality.
You put yourself at risk because you put so much of yourself into something unwilling to believe that there is a tiny chance that it might not quite work out the way you plan.
And I don’t deny that this kind of confidence is necessary. It is probably the only reason behind strong risk-taking capabilities and subsequent achievements.
That’s why the problem hasn’t entirely got to do with being passionate alone. Passion is everything, after all. Defined as ‘a strong and barely controllable desire’, feeling passionate is what makes you feel alive.
The problem turns out to be with delusional thinking.
Remember how people say ‘Love is blind’? What they essentially imply there is that feeling too much passion and attachment towards something can skew our perception of it.
It can make us unwilling to accept the possibility of things going wrong. It can make us unwilling to see the flaws in our plan. It can make us oblivious to the truth that is right in front of us. Be it in our work, in our relationships or anything else in our life that we feel strongly passionate about, we all have a tendency to look at it in a skewed manner.
“Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be obtained only by someone who is detached. ”
So if the ceiling breaks and things go wrong one after the other, because sometimes they do despite your best efforts, you might find yourself really struggling to cope up.
But does that mean passion is a bad thing? Should you never give yourself completely into anything? Should you not love unconditionally and whole-heartedly? Should you not embrace life fully with enthusiasm and be ready to take risks?
I don’t think so.
But you should always and always stick to an idea of ‘self’ that is independent of anything else in your life.
“Remain in the world, act in the world, do whatsoever is needful, and yet remain transcendental, aloof, detached, a lotus flower in the pond.”
Is there anything that remains when I strip your life of your work and your deepest relationships for a while? Is there a core within you that is separate, detached and at peace irrespective of how things go in your life?
Or are you constantly on a roller coaster ride based on what happens? Exhilarated because great things are happening at work, miserable because the last batch of orders didn’t get delivered on time and customers left bad reviews. Exhilarated because things are going well in your relationship, miserable because he/she suddenly stopped giving you enough time.
Letting the things that you feel passionate about dictate your mood, your energy levels and your overall enthusiasm towards life is not a very healthy approach as you are relying over something external, something that is not entirely under your control to dictate your life.
The only difference between people who collapse after failure/loss and those who dust themselves off and start again quickly is that the latter know and practice the art of detachment.
What exactly is the art of detachment?
It’s the art of withdrawing desire from lesser things, letting them fall away, so as to harness their power to reach the heights of what a human being can attain.
Oxymoronic though it may sound, it’s said that you can achieve the greatest heights only through detaching yourself from the things that matter to you to a certain extent and by taking a step back.
And it doesn’t mean that you should always feel detached either. It just means that you should be capable of practicing detachment when required. To be attached is to live in the fear that what you want will not materialise and traps you in a continuous state of desire.
In my experience, I have found it useful to practice detachment in following forms —
Detachment from Material Goals
To understand this form of detachment, the best example is the story of Joshua and Ryan, the two people behind the concept The Minimalists. They said, “While approaching age 30, we had achieved everything that was supposed to make us happy: great six-figure jobs, luxury cars, oversized houses, and all the stuff to clutter every corner of our consumer-driven lifestyles.
And yet with all that stuff, we weren’t satisfied with our lives. We weren’t happy. There was a gaping void, and working 70–80 hours a week just to buy more stuff didn’t fill the void: it only brought more debt, stress, anxiety, fear, loneliness, guilt, overwhelm, and depression.”
There are just too many people who are too attached to the things they own and too addicted to buying and hoarding more and more things without asking this one simple question — “Is it important enough?”

When you detach yourself from the compulsion of owning things just for the sake of owning them you begin to experience real freedom and joy from things that really matter.
“Detachment is not that you should own nothing, but that nothing should own you.”
Remember, less is more.
Take a step back to understand what things add value to your lives. By clearing the clutter from life’s path, we can all make room for the most important aspects of life: health, relationships, passion, growth, and contribution.Detachment in Relationships
Most people struggle the most with this aspect of detachment and it’s only natural. Most of us misunderstand love to be all about really holding on to the other person, trying to fix them and taking care of them in all ways possible, even if it comes at the cost of neglecting your own well being. It gets even worse when we let our lives revolve around certain relationships.
It might be relationship with your parents, with your spouse, with your best friends or anyone else who has a big influence in your life.
In all relationships, there is a need to practice a certain amount of detachment.
We might wonder why?
The answers are many. Detachment is needed so that you do not take everything personally because you don’t control their reactions. Detachment is needed so that you don’t seek their validation to the extent that your own opinions start to diminish. Detachment is needed to understand that love is about acceptance and not about control.
It is needed to understand that you alone are the master of your own lives and you need to draw boundaries so that others don’t control you.

Detachment in love is necessary to maintain that optimum amount of distance that is most essential for growth.

“But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”Detachment from your experiences
Life is meant to be lived and to not to be over-analysed. Yet, more often than not we find ourselves stuck in our head recounting experiences, mostly unpleasant ones over and over again till they bring us down.
Not only that, we also tend to carry them with us around like a bad weather. They form our prejudices and biases about our view of the world. We tend to over-generalize and assume things when we hold on too tightly to our past experiences.
It’s one thing to take the learnings from an experience and move further in life with new wisdom and it’s totally another thing to carry the bitterness, guilt and regret over the past experiences and letting them taint your present days.
This often happens when we fail to completely accept and let go our bad experiences.
When something bad happens, feel free to feel the pain, grieve and let go. Only through acceptance, you can free yourself from the weight and detach yourself from it.

Detachment from your work
“You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You are not your khakis. You are all singing, all dancing crap of the world.
Does this describe you? You have few interests outside of work; you feel restless when you’re not working; you can’t carry on a conversation without referring to something at work; you make yourself available to people at work 24/7; and when you’re at home with family, your mind is back at work. If it does, you’ve defined yourself too much by your job.
And that’s not good for your mental and physical health.
Detachment from work means that when you leave your workplace you leave your work related worries there. Detachment from work means that you do not define your personal worth too closely to your performance at your workplace or to the validation that you receive at work. Detachment from work means that you do not rely on work alone to give you a feeling of completeness and to provide a meaning to your life.

In fact, detachment from work can lift off the pressure to be at your best all the time, allowing you to take a step back, relax and just focus on the work without any anxieties. It can improve your overall mood, your performance and might even lead to more creative ideas

Detachment from your own thoughts
Out of all forms of practicing detachment, I find this one most profound in the ways it helps me grow. Most of us are too attached to our thoughts and our obsessive thinking patterns.
Very few of us are able to take a step back to exercise a certain amount of control over our thoughts. It turns into a problem when we confuse our thoughts with feelings and end up taking actions on impulse. Somehow, we conclude that every thought needs to be acted upon and it doesn’t turn out very well.
Detachment from thoughts, often practiced through meditation till it becomes a usual practice, allows you to look at your thoughts as an outsider, letting them come and go without allowing yourself to feel too much about them.
This allows you to practice a certain amount of detachment and you begin to see that not all thoughts are important. You realise that most of them are just clouding your head and it will be best to free yourself from them.

Detaching yourself from your thoughts requires an understanding of the fact that — Our thoughts are just thoughts. They are not the ultimate truth or reality.
You enter a state of mind in which you witness, clearly and calmly, with good will, whatever you are seeing, hearing, thinking, enjoying, or suffering. You watch your problems, fears, and challenges as if you are not bound or preoccupied by them but viewing them calmly — a witness.
With practice, your turbulent thoughts and negative emotions will lose their grip on your mind. They will not be able to drive you or distort your inner potential and well being.
“Mind can be your best friend or worst enemy

Detachment from sense of time
Man alone chimes the hour. And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralysing fear that no other creature endures. A fear of time running out.”

A lot of our anxieties are caused by thoughts of not having enough time for all that we want to do. We have huge plans for months and even years whose enormity makes it difficult for us to live our present time in the best way possible today, the only time we have in hand for sure.

Detachment from sense of time can help you become aware of the transient nature of our lives and help you become more and more peaceful as you understand that the only time you have control over is now, this present moment. All that has passed before and all that is coming ahead is immaterial.

How Loneliness Changes Across Your Lifetime

Loneliness can strike at any age, although the cause might be different.

Ask someone to recount a time they felt lonely, and they’ll undoubtedly have a story to share. You might hear about the college freshman away from home for the first time. Or the new mother feeding her baby in the dark stillness of 4 a.m.

Most people feel lonely at some point during their lives, As social animals who participate extensively in social relationships, humans open themselves up to the possibility of loneliness.”

Loneliness ebbs and flows as we age, in relatively predictable ways. Counterintuitively, we tend to be lonelier when young—and also when old. Among those high-risk groups, as many as one quarter of people may feel lonely on a regular basis. Understanding why we become lonely in certain life stages can help us to handle the uneasy feelings of isolation when they inevitably arise.

From quantity to quality loneliness is “perceived social isolation,” the keyword being perceived. If two people have the same number of friends, with whom they spend the same amount of time and talk about the same things, one could feel perfectly content while the other could feel lonely.

In other words, loneliness is subjective; it’s the somber gap between the relationships you have and the relationships you want. That’s why people of all ages tend to be more lonely when they have more distressing and less pleasant relationships, are dissatisfied with their relationships, or want more time with friends.

“Feelings of loneliness depend on one’s aspiration for contact, perception of contact, and evaluation of social ties,” 

We can evaluate those social ties in terms of both quantity and quality, the amount of time we spend with others and how enjoyable that time is. And it turns out that the importance of quantity and quality change at different ages.

A survey was done for nearly 15,000 people about their social activity and their levels of loneliness. For the youngest group, ages 18-29, quantity seemed most important: Young adults who saw friends less often tended to be lonelier. But among adults ages 30-64, quality became paramount: This group was lonelier when they had no confidants, people they could talk intimately with. The amount of time they spent with friends didn’t seem to matter. 

If you think about the typical trajectory of life, these findings make sense. For younger people who are building their careers and searching for mates, it helps to meet and spend time with lots of people. As we get older, and perhaps become parents, we may see friends less often—but we need someone to call when the stress of sick toddlers or power struggles at work becomes too much to bear. Indeed, earlier research found that in terms of their effects on our health, number of friends matters more for people in their teens and 20s, and friendship quality matters more up until age 50.

Meanwhile, for the oldest group in the study (ages 65-79), their loneliness didn’t depend on how often they saw friends or whether they had a confidant. As the researchers speculate, these older adults may have low expectations for their friendships, finding contentment in the occasional visit or a few agreeable companions. Or they may rely more on family than friends: In one study  which looked at all types of relationships (not just friendships), quality still seemed to matter at this age.

Besides our friends and family, romantic relationships may also protect us against loneliness—and more so as we get older. In another large study, this time in Germany, single young adults weren’t at a greater risk of loneliness compared to those with a significant other. But for older singles—starting at age 30—they did tend to feel the pangs of loneliness more.

Striving to feel normal

What’s going on inside the head of a 20-something, who isn’t weighed down by the solitude of single life? Or a 40-something, who doesn’t get out often but feels fulfilled by weekly catchups with a best friend?

According to one theory, it all depends on what we believe to be “normal.” If our social life looks like what we’d expect for someone our age, we’re less likely to start fretting about our connections, triggering the alarm bells of loneliness.

“A teenage girl may feel lonely if she has only two good friends, whereas an 80-year-old woman may feel very connected because she still has two good friends,” write researchers Maike Luhmann and Louise C. Hawkley.

As they explain, these norms are also influenced by natural developmental processes. According to one research review, until age seven, young children are mostly looking for someone to play and have fun with. Then, it becomes important to have a close friend, someone you can talk to who is on your side. Peer groups soar in importance in the early teen years, when belonging and being accepted feel critical.

As we head into our 20s, our minds turn to romantic relationships, and feeling rejected by potential partners can be particularly painful. Our needs for intimacy grow, including the validation and understanding that close friends can provide.

These needs tend to stay relatively constant as we age, although our expectations may change. Old age can bring the loss of friends or partners, or health problems that prevent us from going on coffee dates or family vacations—hence that 80-year-old woman who cherishes her two good friends.

When we feel alone in suffering

This theory can help explain why going through hardship in life feels particularly lonely at different ages, another major research finding.

For example, take work and income. People with lower income are lonelier in middle age than people with higher income, more so than in young or old adulthood. While 20-somethings can joke about being broke and seniors may expect to scrape by in retirement, most people hope they won’t have to worry about money in middle age. People who are struggling financially can feel ashamed of their means, while everyone around them seems to be comfortably successful.

Similarly, although some research has found conflicting results, middle-aged adults who are unemployed seem to be hit hardest by loneliness compared to part-time or full-time workers, but this isn’t true in young or old age. In fact, young adults tend to be the least lonely when they work part-time—exactly what seems “normal” for a teen or college student.

Meanwhile, loneliness also seems to spike when we develop health problems before our time—when middle-aged adults start receiving disability benefits or face life-threatening conditions like heart problems or stroke. In contrast, “severe illness in old-old age is more normative and to some extent expected,” write the researchers behind this study.

Because we tend to expect more hardship in old age, even bad feelings in general may become less loneliness-inducing as we get older. In one study, which followed more than 11,000 Germans ages 40-84 for up to 15 years, the link between negative feelings and loneliness weakened with age. As the researchers speculate, unhappy adults may repel friends and family, but we tend to cut more slack for cranky grandfathers—yet another way that norms and expectations come into play.

Yet some hardships don’t seem to discriminate by age. People who belong to a minority group or suffer from a prolonged mental disorder have a higher risk of loneliness, no matter how old they are.

How to feel less lonely

If loneliness can have different triggers across our lifetime, what’s the best response to it?

Research hasn’t quite reached the stage of pinpointing optimal treatments at different ages, but we do know how people naturally tend to cope, thanks to a survey by York University’s Ami Rokach that asked over 700 people to indicate their most beneficial strategies for combating loneliness.

When feeling isolated, people of all ages do what you’d expect—they try to reconnect. They work on building social support networks that can offer love, guidance, and belonging, and they put themselves out there—through hobbies, sports, volunteering, or work.

Meanwhile, before age 18, people are less interested in more reflective, indirect ways of countering loneliness—like being mindful and accepting of their difficult feelings, joining support groups or therapy, or turning to religion and faith. Adults (ages 31-58) use all these strategies more often than other age groups, including one that seems not so healthy: escaping their loneliness with alcohol or drugs.

If loneliness is more about our state of mind than the number of appointments on our calendar, though, the adults may be on to something with their more internally focused strategies

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We might also consider trying to practice self-compassion, the lack of which is associated with feelings of loneliness. Self-compassion is the skill of treating ourselves with the same kindness and caring we’d offer a good friend. One aspect of self-compassion involves recognizing common humanity, the notion that our suffering is part of the human experience and actually connects us to the people around us. If we don’t practice common humanity, we may feel like we’re the only ones struggling—which sounds awfully like being lonely.

Life is so much simpler when you stop explaining yourself to people and just do what works for you

People should understand that we should live a life based on our choices and decisions. It is good to listen to others before acting upon something, but what should be kept in mind is that when we’re listening to others, we should also give ourselves time to listen to ourselves.

This will not only give us the much-needed time to analyze our decisions carefully and closely but also skillfully correct our mistakes and therefore pave the way for a better future. Remember that no one else in the future and, therefore, no one exactly knows what is good and what is bad for us.

So, the control center of our lives should be in our hands, and we should hold the supreme decision. Moreover, it is also necessary to address our own ideas and thoughts with greater importance than others.

We should develop unique methods to cope with our stress and fatigue to be successful in life. Remember that not everyone’s opinion matters to us, so we should first listen to ourselves before listening to other’s opinions.

Sometimes it is a very good idea to listen to others carefully and patiently also, this will not only help one achieve much more information about any particular concept but also teach us new ideas about life. These new ideas can be practiced in our own lives to yield a fruitful result.

Life is actually very simple if you just follow your simple rules and regulations. It is we human beings constantly goes on making amendments to this and face its consequences.

Remember that it is also advised never to completely reveal everything about ourselves to any strange person because a bulk of the population does not care about our problems, and the rest half is glad that we have them.

If you stay honest and act with a calm and peaceful mind, life is actually much simpler and easier. Life is also very meaningful and therefore has a definite purpose. Remember that we should always follow our heart and never pressure work upon ourselves. This will not only reduce our efficiency in any work but also help us face challenges.

“What goes around comes around” or “as you sow, so shall you reap” is the basic understanding of how karma, the law of cause and effect, works. The word karma literally means “activity.” Karma can be divided up into a few simple categories — good, bad, individual and collective. Depending on one’s actions, one will reap the fruits of those actions. The fruits may be sweet or sour, depending on the nature of the actions performed. Fruits can also be reaped in a collective manner if a group of people together perform a certain activity or activities.

Everything we say and do determines what’s going to happen to us in the future. Whether we act honestly, dishonestly, help or hurt others, it all gets recorded and manifests as a karmic reaction either in this life or a future life. All karmic records are carried with the soul into the next life and body.

There is no exact formula that is provided for how and when karmic reactions will appear in our lives, but one can be sure they will appear in some form or other. One may be able to get away with a crime they committed, or avoid paying taxes, but according to karma, no one gets away with anything for long.

Often, when something goes wrong in our lives, and it just doesn’t seem to make sense as to why it happened, it can be very bewildering. We can just be left standing there without any answers. I remember a very difficult time in my life when my family lost our entire fortune, which threw my life into a spin. I asked myself why this was happening, and I came up with three possible answers:

1. God is cruel for letting things happen the way they are.
2. Things are happening completely by random chance and that there is no rhyme or reason behind them.
3. Perhaps in some inconceivable way, I had a hand in my own suffering, even if I wasn’t able to recall what I had done.

I didn’t like option two because I just couldn’t accept that things were moving about randomly. I always felt there had to be some kind of order to the universe. Since I grew up believing in God, I was ready to wholeheartedly accept option one because this option allowed me to point a finger and express my anger and frustration at someone who I had worshiped all my life.

In search for an answer, I started reading the Bhagavad Gita and other Hindu texts which hinted at option three. This was even more difficult than the first option because now I couldn’t really point a finger at anyone other than myself. The Gita broadened my horizons about life and encouraged me to take responsibility for my own actions and not to place blame. It explained that each of my previous lives has impacted my subsequent lives and is probably affecting my current life.

A karmic reaction, good or bad, may or may not become manifest in the same life. It may manifest in a future life. It’s also possible to get hit with a few reactions — positive or negative — at the same time. The simplest analogy I can think of for how karma works is that of a credit card purchase. You make the purchase now, but don’t get hit with the bill for 30 days. If you made several purchases during one billing cycle, then you’ll get hit with one big bill.

The natural question that arises is: “Why am I getting punished for something from a previous live if I can’t even remember it?” Of course, we don’t ask ourselves why good things happen to us. We simply accept the good thinking we deserve it or that we’ve earned it. We forget a lot of things we’ve done in the past, so what to speak of things done in a previous life. The most important lesson to learn is that we can become more mindful of our present actions to prepare our families and ourselves for a more prosperous future, both materially and spiritually.

An important question we should ask is: “Do we really want to remember our past lives?” The pain of dealing with the hardships of this one life is difficult enough. We can only imagine how long we would actually survive if the weight of our previous lives’ pain and suffering were compounded onto our psyche. For the most part, it’s probably a good thing that most people don’t remember what happened in previous lives, so that we can start to move forward in our present life.

Karma doesn’t translate into indifference towards the suffering of others. The mood should never be “too bad, it’s their karma.” The predominating principle should always be that of sympathy and compassion.

This can seem like such a vicious cycle of action and reaction. It’s practically impossible to live in this world without doing some wrong, whether out of anger, revenge, or just inattention. The teachings of the Gita and Hinduism are all about breaking this cycle of karma and transcending the material world and regaining entrance into the spiritual world. The path of Bhakti Yoga, which includes mantra meditation, conscious cooking and eating, and devotional service help break the cycle of karma by gradually removing the karmic reactions we have accumulated and thus liberating us from the repetition of birth and death.

If you choose to fall in love,
Fall in love with a write,
But know you will live in the pages of a poem,linger in the words of a song,be engraved in the ink of a plot..
Twisting your fate and heart into a tempestuous knot.
If you choose to fall in love ,
Fall in love with a writer.
One who will hand you the world drawn and painted in the metaphors of a troubled mind,
Where nothing is simple ,not even a line.
If you choose to fall in love,
Fall in love with a writer-
Your life will never be the same.
She’ll weave stories of yesterday in the webs of your thoughts ,
Breathe the sky of the morning,
Lure you to her lair.
So if you choose to fall in love,
Fall in love with a writer
One who truer will never be.
Fall in love with a writer.
With a writer like me❤️